Nothing is Forever

Sunday, November 13, 2011

Today was pretty awful. I won't go into too much detail because some of it is very personal, but I do want to address an important topic.

This morning at 10, when I was only half asleep, my mom called me and told me my aunt passed away last night. My first reaction - WHAT?! I hadn't heard about my aunt being sick or having serious health problems. I remember when she called me just a couple weeks ago, she was sounding so cheerful. She told me that she was babysitting a dog, which is considered a milestone for my aunt because she has a fear of them. Just the fact that she was enjoying taking care of the dog made me feel so happy for her. But it's just like what my mom told me over the phone (and what we always hear about) - you never know when someone will pass away. You always think that they are going to live forever because they're always around. But once they are gone, you suddenly realize how much you wish they were around, how you wished you spent more time with them, how you regret something you did to or with them.

I remember 3 years ago when I talked to her for the first time in months. She told me that she had converted to Buddhism and was now living in a temple as a monk. She also became a vegetarian a while ago and had lost weight. I could hear from her voice how happy she was now, and I just felt so glad for her. I know she never had an easy life, moving from Hong Kong to the bustling Chinatown in Manhattan and having to deal with the hectic life there and in Brooklyn. In the past, she'd tell me all these funny stories about me when I was little. She'd always make me laugh. Sometimes her stories were complaints about her coworker, which I tended to zone out on because she'd go on and on for an hour about it.

The worst thing that happens when a person close to you passes away is thinking "I wish I had..." and "If he/she were still here, I would...". Again, we always forget that one day everyone is going to die. Instead of wishing you could change the past, treasure the moment today. Don't do something that you'll regret. In fact, "Live life with no regrets" is the motto I now live by. It wasn't because I read a list of cliche inspirational quotes like "Live life to the fullest" or "Love conquers all". In fact, it didn't even hit me until today that I was living by a quote...and it's now my life motto.

It started during the summer when I was thinking about how I have so many regrets because I was too shy or didn't study enough or didn't put enough effort towards something. I was so tired of it that I just thought, "I need to change this." So whenever I was faced with decisions, whether it's something small, like deciding if I should spend some money, or something significant, like choosing whether or not I should drink, I always asked myself, "Would I regret it in the future?" Just thinking about it actually made me enjoy my summer in Taiwan so much more. In fact, it's made me become better at time management in college. I almost don't even have a problem with procrastination anymore, which is a huge accomplishment for me because I was such a slacker in high school. There was only one time I had to stay up past 2AM for three days writing a 2,500 word rough draft of an important research paper. And it's all because I had such a  problem with procrastination in the past. I'd end up thinking, "omg, WHY didn't I start this essay earlier?" or "I should've started studying for the test earlier". I think that if continued the bad high school habits in college, I'd probably be 5x more stressed then I already am.

To sum it up, keep those you love and trust close to your heart, because you never know when they will pass away. Try to spend as much time with your family as possible now, especially your parents,  because in the future, when you have a job and your own family, you won't be able to be to see them much except maybe once or twice a year at the most. It's going to be even rarer when your whole family will be together (unless you're an only child...). As for your relatives, get to know them. I'm glad to say that even though I wish I talked to my aunt more often, I'm still glad that I spent my life enjoying my times with her.

小書姑姑, 我會永遠想念你, 我會永遠愛你.



Lost OST - Life & Death

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  1. <3 Condolences

    *Gosh, your energy saver thing came up when I was reading :P Post too long. JK <3 Gotta love actual blog posts